Do you have a part of you that constantly feels that life or you are never enough?
This is perpetuated in our culture, when we are bombarded with messages and images that suggest we are not thin enough, not successful enough, not busy enough…basically no matter what we have and how much of it we have, it can just end up feeling…not enough?
The part of you that holds that…what’s that part’s story? Can you understand where it is coming from and why it feels that way? Did that part of you not have enough love? Not enough of people’s time, were people unavailable to you? Did good things abruptly come to an end, so there wasn’t enough joy…if that part were able to tell its story, what would it say? Can you send that part lots of love and understanding and let it know that you really get why it feels that way…really acknowledge its existence.
Only you know your own part…and I have noticed in my practice, that this part in us ( yes, I have this part too) can sometimes feel that there is “not enough” opportunities, love, success, happiness to go around and the strength of this part can feel so strong at times that it can block growth and resilience and we can end up living in fear and panic, that there won’t be enough of what we crave to go around and we will miss out…and remain unfulfilled.
Then what’s the impact on our life? Sometimes this can manifest itself in our relationship with food and our bodies…feeling like we don’t deserve more so we restrict ourselves constantly in order to be enough? And also then having more than our bodies might need at times, as this is the only place we can “feed” what we need and the fear that if we don’t have it, it will be gone later, particularly when we get back into restricting and denying ourselves so we have to have it now. This can be protecting the fear underneath that there is not enough of what we need in life to go around, the same part that fears that we aren’t good enough, opportunities are scarce and time is running out to get what we need. This part is holding all those times when you didn’t have enough (love, availability of care, nurture, holding) and it left you feeling like you were not enough and won’t ever feel enough.
This part can really focus on what you don’t have, where you have missed out, look at others and feel like they have more…this is important because it has felt like this at some point in your life…otherwise this part wouldn’t be feeling this way. I used the metaphor the other day with regards to attention, that if you have had enough attention then you wouldn’t crave more…like food in a way…if we are satisfied then we are not hungry for more. Notice the pain that is being held within this part and then consider if you can, what does it need from you?
If you know your part’s story, can you hear it with an open heart and send it an abundance of compassion? It sounds like it has had a really tough time, it may be stuck in the past somewhere all alone and needs you to be alongside it…chances are it is not all of you…so can you meet it from another place inside you that can hear its hurt and suffering and know that it has you now, as a companion in a way that it didn’t have back then.
Creating enough and having enough back then wasn’t solely within your control, it was down to others and you were reliant on others to provide and care for you. YOU have YOU now to create what you need and to go out there and find it…and to stay with yourself when it doesn’t work out or an opportunity is lost. We cannot what happens outside of ourselves of course, and we can choose to be with ourselves throughout the painful ride. This part may tell you that it will never happen, that the opportunity is lost forever, you will never find love, and that is its fear and despair and needs to be heard inside you. Fear is not truth as its often a future prediction, yet it’s still valid, and like any emotion will settle once it has been acknowledged…and if you can understand that parts story, connect with it and invite compassion and understanding from another place inside you..then that part will feel heard and relax a little….empathy, compassion and connection with our parts change the neural pathways in our brain…and therefore create a very different experience that was never had back then…yet is possible now ☺
You are the one you have been waiting for…….
If you would like to make an enquiry or book an appointment please contact Dr Claire Stubbs on withyouinmindpa@gmail.com
