If you’re feeling scared right now, you’re not alone …
… fear is a primal human response to threatening circumstances, and it’s essential for our survival. It heightens our senses and helps us protect ourselves. It’s looking after you is what I’m saying, so it needs your attention.
But when fear takes over our minds, it leads to anxiety. If we can learn to allow the intense energy of fear to exist and then dissipate, it can actually become a powerful driving force in our lives.
The following might support you psychologically during such a difficult, unprecedented time….
Don’t Beat Yourself Up………
Don’t blame yourself for your fears or anxiety. These are human responses to the human condition. Try to suspend self-judgments. Don’t expect to conquer fear in one breath, one hour, or one day. You are doing your best.
Take Time For Yourself…….
Fear thrives when we push too hard. Appreciate yourself in small moments and small acts: take a walk, smell a flower, drink a good cup of coffee, watch an absorbing movie.
Do Something Differently…….
By shifting a habitual pattern, you take yourself off autopilot. It may make you a little more anxious, but it also makes you more mindful and aware. And by working with small anxieties, you can learn about the bigger anxiety and fear in your life and how to handle it.
The change could be small and almost silly: brush your hair before you brush your teeth, if you usually do the opposite. Wear something you never would, like an outlandish scarf or hat. Mix it up. Do something that makes you a little uncomfortable, while respecting your safety and that of others. If it doesn’t work as you hope, remember point one.
Celebrate the Victories……..
They may be small. You’re afraid of spiders, but you managed to trap one and put it out of the house. You’re terrified of thunder and lightning but you opened the curtains during a storm. Give yourself a mental pat on the back or a genuine piece of chocolate.
Make a Catalog of Daily Fears……
Get to know your fears and anxieties. Set aside a few minutes, and in that time, notice all the fearful or anxious thoughts that arise, and what triggers them. If this exercise makes you more and more anxious, don’t do it! But often noting fears and letting them come to the surface helps reduce some of the anxiety. It can be a good beginning.
Be Curious About Your Fear…….
We give power to our anxieties by trying to hide from them. Ignorance is not always bliss. Rather, it can stoke the fires of fear. So look into what frightens you. Look at the big face of fear and look into the details. You may discover that fear is like the Wizard of Oz, a showman with little substance and much bravado. Or you may find something more substantial. Whatever you discover, look with kindness and love to yourself. You are doing your best. This situation is really tough and evokes all our vulnerabilities.
What does that frightened part of you need from you right now?
Are you engaging in behaviours that we call safety behaviours? Safety behaviours give us the illusion that we are safe yet they are escalating the anxiety, such as over checking of your throat for a cough, your temperature, or increased checking of the news for the latest figures. As hard as it will be letting go of such behaviours, it will settle your anxiety, because every time you check your temperature or your phone you are colluding with your anxieties belief that there is an issue of immediate threat.
Do you need to distract by engaging in other aspects of your life or doing something you love, like drawing, baking, watching a funny movie, or getting a bit of your own space in your room.
Listen inside and see what that part of you really needs from you right now in order for things to feel different. Honestly, your system will let you know.
Clarity: If you can try and gain some clarity about your vulnerable part prior to any potential triggering situations.
Where do you feel it in your body, what’s the sensation you feel when this part emerges? How old is this part of you? What is it so afraid of? What’s its intention for you? How is it trying to protect you? Does it have an image attached to it? What’s the very first sign that you notice that tells you that this part is present?
Clarity supports our awareness and may help you to identify in your body what’s happening when this part gets activated. Is the thing that this part of you is so afraid of likely to happen right now? Is this part of you stuck in the past somewhere where it didn’t have a very nice experience? Can you reach out to that part and bring it home to you, so that you can look after it and keep it safe during this time?
Calm: When you notice that this part has been triggered, try and take some deep breaths in for three and out for three, pausing for three on the in breath. This will send oxytocin to your brain which is the bonding chemical and calm your nervous system.
If you can try and take some space from others and again check inside as to what that part might really need you from you in that moment, what is it scared of and what does it need to feel safe? This will immediately calm the part and your overall system.
This will also turn your frontal lobe back on, which is your logical, thinking part of your brain, which gets taken over by your emotional alarm system.
Courage: Do you have a little bit of courage inside to take a risk and respond in a different way to how you have previously.
Has there been a time in the past when something else has supported you? Can you think of a time when you have been really brave?
What supported your bravery, is there anyone you can enlist to help you be a little braver? Can you remember that feeling afterwards when you were brave and bottle that feeling and soak it up in your body.
Compassion: Whatever happens and however you respond you are doing your absolute best. If you think these anxious avoidant parts are protecting you from something you are afraid of, then you need an abundance of compassion right now, as you were terrified and that part was trying to protect you from that terror.
Self-compassion means being in touch with our own suffering, not dodging it, hiding or disconnecting from it. It also means offering ourselves kindness and a non- judgemental response to help reduce the experience of suffering.
Everything feels better when we feel understood and supported…remember how it feels when a good friend acknowledges your feelings …and we all have the capacity to create that for ourselves internally, just sometimes and more often for some, our parts can overwhelm us and block this compassion.
When this happens and you feel overwhelmed by an emotion or part of you, just try and go inside yourself, locate that feeling inside yourself and ask it to give you a bit of space so you can respond and be with yourself in the way you need right now.
Try and stay in each moment….
I know it’s hard during this uncertainty, and also what frightens us often is the predictions we make about the future. Try and bring yourself back to the immediate moment you are in, what are the facts right now, what do you know to be true right now? If you notice your mind wandering to the future, try and breathe and bring yourself back to the present. This takes practice as the mind will wander and everytime you notice this happening, just bring it gently back to now.
Never Forget Humor……
One of the best antidotes to fear is humor, in the sense of celebrating life, not making fun of yourself or others. Daily life offers a pretty steady stream of humorous encounters. It’s hard to be terrified when you have a broad grin on your face.
Accept Help…….
Sometimes the help you need is to talk with someone about your fears. Sometimes it’s sharing a laugh with a friend or reaching out to someone who loves you, understands your fears and really gets you. A small note of caution: Accepting help doesn’t necessarily mean taking everybody’s advice.
Seek professional help if you need it.♥️♥️♥️
Take care everyone and sending much love to your parts. XXX
For more information or sessions of support online, contact us on withyouinmindpa@gmail.com.
