How can we support ourselves during this challenging time when so many of our “parts” that are food, weight or body related get activated.

A food part might be the need to restrict, diet, eat more than you need, use food as a reward, over exercise, use compensatory behaviours such as purging or laxatives and so on.

Here are some suggestions taken from an evidence based approach, that might be helpful:

Curious: Be curious with yourself as to what parts of you are really present right now? Is it your over-exercising part that fears that you won’t be able to move so much during this time, or your fear of famine part that worries that there will be no food left? What might you need in place to look after yourself, to create a different response? What does that part of you need? Or not need ( exposure to the online pressures to be doing at home workouts). Be curious and check inside and simply ask, what is that part afraid of might happen if it didn’t protect you in that way, by over- eating, restricting, numbing the loneliness & what might it need from you instead in terms of self- protection? If we are curious we can elicit more information at a deeper level.

Clarity: If you can try and gain some clarity about your vulnerable part prior to any potential triggering situations. Where do you feel it in your body, what’s the sensation you feel when this part emerges? How old is this part of you? What is it so afraid of? What’s its intention for you? How is it trying to protect you? Does it have an image attached to it? What’s the very first sign that you notice that tells you that this part is present? Clarity supports our awareness and may help you to identify in your body what’s happening when this part gets activated. Is the thing that this part of you is so afraid of likely to happen right now? Is this part of you stuck in the past somewhere where it didn’t have a very nice experience? Can you reach out to that part and bring it home to you, so that you can look after it and keep it safe during this time?

Calm: When you notice that this part has been triggered, try and take some deep breaths in for three and out for three, pausing for three on the in breath. This will send oxytocin to your brain which is the bonding chemical and calm your nervous system. If you can try and take some space from others and again check inside as to what that part might really need you from you in that moment, what is it scared of and what does it need to feel safe? This will immediately calm the part and your overall system. This will also turn your frontal lobe back on, which is your logical, thinking part of your brain, which gets taken over by your emotional alarm system.

Courage: Do you have a little bit of courage inside to take a risk and respond in a different way to how you have previously. Has there been a time in the past when something else has supported you? Can you think of a time when you have been really brave? What supported your bravery, is there anyone you can enlist to help you be a little braver? Can you remember that feeling afterwards when you were brave and bottle that feeling and soak it up in your body.

Compassion: Whatever happens and however you respond you are doing your absolute best. If you think these food related parts are protecting you from something you are afraid of, then you need an abundance of compassion right now, as you were terrified and that part was trying to protect you from that terror. Self-compassion means being in touch with our own suffering, not dodging it, hiding or disconnecting from it. It also means offering ourselves kindness and a non- judgemental response to help reduce the experience of suffering. Everything feels better when we feel understood and supported and we all have the capacity to create that for ourselves internally, just sometimes and more often for some, our parts can overwhelm us and block this compassion.

Connection: If it feels safe and it may be hard to access somewhere where you can really tune into yourself and your needs, yet acknowledgement of how we feel and what we REALLY need when it comes to food related parts is an important step in healing. What’s happening in your body, do you have physical signs that indicate you’re hungry, or do you need something emotionally? If it’s an emotional need, can you provide it for yourself or would sounding out how you feel with someone else help? If that trusted person is not immediately available what do you imagine they would say right now? What would they suggest you do? Connecting inside with a loving, trusted confident will support you to feel held and know that you’re not alone. If you are going to an event that is going to be tough, take something with you to remind you and help you connect with that person in the moment. Or ask someone to leave a voice message on your phone so you can hear their soothing tone. If a night on the sofa is a vulnerable place too, these things can also be useful. Connect inside and ask yourself what’s the real need, your psyche will respond, I promise.

Creativity: Perhaps ahead of time and if you are aware of when your food related parts might get activated, could you create a list of alternative responses, that will soothe and support you. Seriously, having a list of creative alternatives could support you in the moment. It may not even be a food related trigger, if stress elicits a food part, it might be useful to consider what stressors might be present and what you need to support you to respond to these. Options might be, singing in your head, counting the number of people in the restaurant with brown hair, going to the loo to breathe and scream, doing one of the above, texting or calling a friend who is on hand, journaling, drawing your afraid part. I’m sure you can be more creative than me, and it’s possibly easier to be creative in advance before your part gets activated. Also, be creative afterwards too, how are you going to look after yourself if things don’t go as you hoped? What self-soothing strategies might you need in place? This is SO important to protect yourself from a vicious cycle of guilt and shame. This situation is really tough and you’re really doing your best.

If you have eating related parts of you that are overwhelming and you would like support, please contact Dr Claire Subbs on withyouinmindpa@gmail.com to book an appointment.